Everybody does! Almost every roommate feels the need to hate on Angelina. Haters gotta hate, sure, but this seems overly hypocritical.
You see, Angelina represents the “ho equation,” a problem that has puzzled The Situation for years. Even when a man is nice to girl (treats her like a human being), she will play the nice guy for a fool and go smoosh someone else. In this equation, the nice guy equals birthday boy Jose.
Snooki checks the math: If Angelina smooshes with Vinny, but doesn’t with the nice guy who buys her stuff she wants (Fossil watch!), then she must be a whore.
The boys taunt Vinny about visiting “the Staten Island dump this time of year.” Um, do these guys not remember hooking up with Angelina before coming to the house? This new moral high ground is super infuriating, especially when Mike makes it his mission to fill in Jose. Did he do Sammi the same courtesy? No, of course not. But new guy, Jose? Yeah, that he can handle.
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Snooki is disgusted that Angelina smooshed Vinny, her “sloppy seconds.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Snooks is a little jealous.
Eventually, Mike forces Angelina to tell Jose, who doesn’t seem to understand that hooking up means more than kissing, but Angelina doesn’t clarify. The ambiguity of the term “hooking up” may be one of the greatest/saddest inventions of this generation.
FAMILY MATTERS
Vinny’s big Italian family come down to Miami with a cooler full of food and a requisite crazy uncle. Mama Vinny brings down groceries to cook dinner, including an Entenmann’s cake, because apparently they don’t have that in Miami. The house enjoys a three-course, obesity-inducing meal. It’s like “The Godfather,” except instead of Pacino they have Pauly D.
Meanwhile, O-G (Original Guido) Uncle Nino incoherently rambles at the roommates, including J. Lo and The Sanitation. Later, the ladies send Nino to heaven with a hot tub trip. Not surprisingly, Nino’s a fan of Jwoww’s chest. “That looks like a really creepy scene right now,” Ronnie points out. Indeed, Ron-Ron. It’s a nice but unnecessary part of the episode that only serves to show what a mama’s boy Vinny is.
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In the hot tub, Angelina accidentally smacks Snooki in her face with a beach ball, which starts a fight. The family soon departs, and so do the limited manners Snooks and Angelina can muster. It’s pretty clear that the girls are going to fight over Vinny. Why fight over a kid they don’t care about? I wish I knew.
VINNY AND PAULY WINE AND DINE; THE SITUATION IS UNAMUSED
The “Shore” boys all have different lady-approaches in this episode. Pauly really knows how to talk to the ladies. Vinny looks for a girl like his mother. Mike tries to dominate.
It’s Saturday, so The Situation and Pauly only wants girls who are D-T-F. They take home two front-burner chicks, but The Situation’s overly aggressive tactics spoil the smooshing for both guys. “Have fun playing with yourselves,” The Situation’s girl — who has a boyfriend — says. The Situation will hook up with a girl who has a boyfriend, but faults Angelina for being that girl to someone else. Interesting.
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After the guys cold-call girls at 6 a.m., Pauly is rewarded with a smoosh. The Situation is punished for his hypocrisy with a lonely night and an egg sandwich. As he watches Pauly smoosh, the world gets a sneak peek at his creepy-old-dude future.
Share this articleShareAt Tantra, Vinny meets a girl, tells her that he loves her and that he’s found his wife. He goes to Kinko’s and prints out wedding announcements. Okay, the last part’s a joke, but he looks that desperate. On the other hand, Mr. Smooth, Pauly D, meets a nice Cuban girl who also deserves to be wined and dined. A double date is planned. Vinny plays the sympathy card. Pauly plays it cool. They proceed to R-H-F (reservations, haircut, flowers).
Somehow, Vinny’s situation becomes even more pathetic when his date calls to cancel. He throws a fit. Even Angelina feels a little bad for him. Vinny calls her back to beg her to go out with him. She tentatively agrees, but never shows up. Poor Vinny? I’m not sure. When he, The Situation and the other guys treat girls like trash, don’t they deserve to lose every now and then? Hopefully they’ll learn something.
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» NEXT TIME: Jwoww’s boyfriend Tom visits, and (surprise!) fighting ensues; Angelina leaves her feminine hygiene product out in the open and (astoundingly) fights with The Situation.
SAY IT, DON’T SPRAY IT
» “Obviously you’re a loosey goose, cause he got it in,” Snooki remarks on Angelina’s hookup with Vinny.
» “They don’t make women like my mother anymore,” Vinny, the ultimate mama’s boy, says.
» Ron on Angelina the pimp: “She got game, can’t hate on her.”
» “My Uncle Nino doesn’t really have the highest standards in the world, so these girls are looking like supermodels to him right now,” Vinny says, showing some love to his OG.
» Uncle Nino: “Make sure to do some of these young ladies. Do as many as you can… Do a couple extra ones for Uncle Nino.”
Written by Express contributor Sarah Anne Hughes
Photo courtesy MTV
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